An adventure in Cushing's and stroke

In some ways, I think Cushing’s was worse than the stroke. The stroke was shit because I almost died, couldn’t move my left side at all for ten days, and it was a hard and gruelling journey back to full mobility, and even now things aren’t normal. But people understand stroke. People understand that there was one event that caused you to be like that, and they are full of sympathy and amazement at what you’ve gone through.

Cushing’s was just a long time of not being able to lose weight, eating too much, having terrible changes occur to my body, and not understanding why. No one understanding why. Cushing’s was having doctors ask you why you didn’t lose weight like they asked you to, it was having your boyfriend tell you that you were fat because you were eating way too much, and feeling hungry all the damn time. Cushing’s was waking up in the middle of the night to pee every single night, never being able to sleep in past 6:30am, waking up with a sore back every morning, having horrific bruises everywhere whenever you did anything that was more strenous than walking at 4km/hour. Cushing’s was feeling like crap every time you look in the mirror, because your face was red with acne, round like a moon, and if you ever caught a glimpse of yourself side-on in a mirror, being sickened by how fat and pregnant you looked. Cushing’s was having your mother tell you every day that you’re fat, and Cushing’s was trying to be good with eating healthily and exercising and having no results, despite seeing friends eat unhealthily and not put on weight, and seeing friends exercising and losing weight.

Life with Cushing’s was crap, and the worst part was that no one understood. No one understood that you were trying your damned hardest to not be like a giant tub of lard, but nothing was working. No one understood that there actually was a reason for you being the way you were, and it wasn’t because you were a lazy, pathetic excuse for a human being.

The souvenirs of Cushing’s are with me, but all the other symptoms have gone, and life without Cushing’s is full of awesome.